I've recently noticed my 2 year GROWLING. You know, a low, "uhhhh" under her breath. When something isn't going her way- she can't get her boots on, can't get a puzzle piece to fit, can't get a dress on a doll, Buddy (our huge dog) eats her PB&J- she makes this growling noise.
I thought it is was quite "cute" and very comical UNTIL....I realized she picked it up from ME!
I caught myself making that same under-the-breath-like-no-one-can-hear-but-secretly-hope-someone-does-annoyed-low-growling NOISE! Growled when someone didn't pick up their dirty socks and put them in the laundry. Growled when someone didn't put the toilet paper on the roll. Growled when things "weren't going MY way."
It's amazing how much light a two year old can shine on MY own behavior. She is with me all day, everyday, and picks up my habits- both good and bad. And, she is one of the best ways I can HONESTLY see how I am behaving. If you would have asked me if I growl, I would have chuckled and said, "Of course not!"
Pondering this, I reminded myself of those stubborn, stiff-necked Israelites who took 40 years to make a 10 day trip through the desert into the Promised Land. One of the reasons it took so long is that they had a BAD attitude. They constantly complained, grumbled, and murmured....against the food, against their leader, Moses, and against their circumstances.
I do NOT want to be like them! I am sure they "growled"!
Instead, I want to "do everything without arguing or COMPLAINING....so that I can shine like a star in the universe..." (Philiappians 2:14-16)
Father God, I confess that I tend to have a complaining spirit. I might not always verbalize complaints (although I do that as well!), but even things like sighing, growling, and rolling my eyes show a heart that is complaining. I am sorry! It is disrespectful to You and all the generous blessings You have poured out on me. It is selfish and self-focused. I don't want to be self-seeking! I want to have a heart of gratitude.... an "attitude of gratitude"!!! Thank You for Your forgiveness and thank You for showing me this in myself through Abigail. I ask You, Holy Spirit to continue to shine Your Light on me and the ways You want to change me. I know that without You, I am a selfish, self-centered person. You are the good that lives in me! Grow in me joy and gratitude and thankfulness. Help me to get my eyes off of ME and on YOU! I love You, Lord. You are amazing, awesome, loving, wonderful! Thank You that You are changing me and growing me into the woman You created me to be. In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen.