I was reading an old journal this morning during my very SHORT prayer time (got up late!) and Lord, as I read it, my heart cried out for You! Where is this girl who poured out her heart to You, who dove into the Word, hungry for more and more and more? Reading my commentary of several Old Testament passages, I was a little surprised by my wisdom and understanding of the scriptures which ONLY comes from the Holy Spirit. None of me- all of You, Lord. I do not want this to sound prideful at all because it is not TRACY, but You, God!
You had given me such depth of knowledge of what I was studying that it surprised me this morning. But, hasn't that been my prayer from the start? That You Lord would "give me a spirit of wisdom and understanding so that I may know You better?" And, when "you draw near to God, He will draw near to you." And, "Seek the Lord with all your heart and He will be found by you." Those have always been my prayers.....what I have been crying out for from the beginning. You answer prayer! I had forgotten the things I had written. That makes me sad.
I want to continue to grow in You, Lord. I want to continue to go deeper. I want to experience You more and more. I want Your Word to continue to open up to me and "blow me away."
Last week I was listening to Revelation (Audio Bible) and again, Revelation 2:2-5 hit me.
"I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance....Yet
I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the
height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at
Oh, Lord, I repent! I do not want to forsake You! I want to draw nearer to You, not become distant! O, Lord, forgive me!
What is going on?
One thing that comes to mind is busyness. Oh, how the enemy loves to use this against me! And, it is not a new trick, but one that is "tried and true" that he brings back again and again to trip me.
We were especially busy this past weekend because we had a family party here at our home. We celebrated Abigail's 1st birthday (March 19), Andrew's 12 (April 23), and Aaron's 5th (April 2nd) with our extended family. They all came from Illinois. Brian's parents spend the winters in Fort Myers, FL, so we waited for them to return. So.........we were busy getting our home ready, gardens planted, grass mowed, closets cleaned (come on, Tracy! Like anyone is going to see the closet!).....and on and on.... So, Sunday, when everyone had left, I spent time refreshing myself reading blogs, soaking in encouragement from other Christian bloggers. One common theme I found was that many of us are in the same "boat!" We are weary and needing to be refreshed in the Lord.
One blogger (I'm sorry- I can't remember now which blog it was- I visited several!) said that she needed to rest in the Lord....that when life is getting so busy, He is there telling her to come sit with Him awhile. That was such encouragement to my soul! Lord, I know I need to come and rest in You....to come and sit with You awhile. I love You so much, Lord. I want to grow in my relationship with You! I don't want to backslide! I don't want to forget my first love! I love You so much, Jesus!
Thank You for reminding me about these journals. Thank You for reminding me that "You pour out Your wisdom GENEROUSLY to anyone who asks." Thank You for slowing me down to rest in You. I know You are the most important thing in life. I know You are my first love. I rededicate myself to You. I ask You, Lord, to fill my cup to overflowing again. My heart and flesh cry out, for You the living God. You are life. You are life. I love You.