Yesterday was May Day and we "celebrated" by delivering May Day baskets to our neighbors and friends. I don't remember ever doing this as a child, but when we moved to Iowa, we soon found out it is a BIG DEAL! Most people put popcorn, jelly beans, and candy in a plastic cup, leave it on a friend's front porch, ring the doorbell, and RUN AWAY! It's lots of fun.
Now, yesterday was also soccer practice and Ashley had a concert at school. BUSY!!!!! So, for dinner, I quickly threw together some chicken, a salad, and butter noodles. It was NOT what I had planned to make for my family, but in my haste, I had forgotten to prepare the chicken dinner. It basically was throwing it on the table, get your own drinks, oops forgot to put on the bread and butter (my hubby is a HUGE bread and butter man), take care of yourselves while I run upstairs to curl my hair and put on makeup before the concert. Needless to say, my hubby wasn't thrilled and he made a comment that cut to my heart. He wasn't trying to be unkind, he was simply stating the obvious. The Holy Spirit immediately convicted me, but in my maturity, I whined, nagged, complained and berated him about how mean he is!
Now, I have been listening to Joyce Meyer for the past several days, and if you are familiar with her, you can understand all of the thoughts that were running through my mind! Nothing like hearing Joyce Meyer in your head telling you that you need to apologize. So, at the concert, I apologized and we kissed and "made up," but God had a lot more work to do in my heart!
I kept waking up through the night with the Holy Spirit prodding me....."Tracy, why was Brian's validation of your cooking so important?..... Are you looking to him instead of me? .... Are you pleasing God or pleasing man?.... You know that PEOPLE will never fill your heart with the love it needs, so why are you expecting Brian to fill you?.......Have you been filling your spirit with Me, are you filled to overflowing with Me?......." I continued to pray all through the night, repenting of not turning to Him.....
In the morning, I was reading an old journal from 2005 and had written truths from "The Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free." This is what I read:
"The Truth is that the ultimate purpose of marriage is NOT to make us happy, but to glorify God." Ouch.
"The Truth is that contentment is not found in having everything we think we want but in choosing to be satisfied with what God has provided." Ouch.
"The Truth is that those who insist on having their own way often end up with unnecessary heartache while those who wait on the Lord will always get His best!" Ouch. Ouch. OUCH!
As I prayed, the Holy Spirit prompted me to think about last night's dinner and to ask God if He was pleased with how I made it. Brian's opinion was not as important as God's. Ouch. He reminded me of how I had thrown everything together and did not take the time to serve my family properly. Ouch. No, I had not done my best to please God, my family, or to glorify Him. He showed me that although the May Day baskets were fun and blessed others, my first priority is to bless my family. God has placed within my home my greatest ministry- my husband and my children. I realized I needed to take care of them FIRST!
But, thanks be to God for His forgiveness and grace and for my family's! I apologized this morning to Brian for not taking the time to make him a nice meal. Thank You, God for his grace!
Father, may I always make my family first priority after You. Help me to glorify by taking care of them. Thank You for Your forgiveness and grace AND their grace! In Jesus' Name we pray. Amen!