I brought some cut-up pears over to Andrew who was home sick, playing PlayStation on the couch. I saw Abigail watching me, so I told him, "Watch Abigail so she doesn't grab your pears. She can't have them- they're too hard for her." As soon as I said that, she zoomed right over trying to get those pears!
I thought this was so LIKE ME!!!!! First, how many times do I want something that I am not supposed to have????? The temptation of the forbidden..... I want IT simply because I can't have IT. Oh, how I hate that in myself!!! Did Abigail WANT those pears because she couldn't have them? Or, did she make a mad dash for them because Andrew HAD them????
I think of my 5 kids (and I also had a home daycare for several years) and I saw a law at work: If you have it, I want it! Doesn't matter that this toy was "available" 5 minutes ago and I had no desire for it. But, you have it now, so I want it!!!!!! I want what you have!
Unfortunately, I see that ugly trait in myself as well. Oops, I guess I should call it what it is: SIN. It is envy. No wonder God tells us in the ten commandments, "Do not covet anything that is your neighbor's." I hate envy. I hate envy in myself.
I may not envy "stuff" or "toys" that others have, but I envy other things. For example, my good friend just lost 18 lbs. She looks GREAT! I am envious because I want to lose 18 lbs.! I am the one who just had a baby. Well, not JUST, Abigail is a 1yr. I have been changing my diet to be more healthy. Hmmmm. I still eat out of frustration, though. And, I have been greedy with my eating. Instead of just a taste of something yummy, I finish it all and lick the plate clean! I have been exercising! Well, in all honesty, sporadically, not consistently.
The truth is my friend has been working very hard trying to lose weight since last August. She has faithfully been exercising for 40-50 minutes daily. She has denied herself sweets. And, it has taken 8 months. I don't want to wait that long. I want the results, without the work, NOW.
So, we can envy many things- other women have great husbands, great kids..... Susie is successful in (weight loss, her career, decorating her home, her relationship with God)....Mary has the cutest clothes.....Jane is so outgoing....
envy envy envy envy ..................
It made me think of James.
"Submit yourselves to God. What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? you want something but don't get it. you kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. you quarrel and fight. you do not have, because you do not ask God. When you do ask, you do not receive because you ask with the wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your own pleasures."
God, I know when I submit myself to you, surrender my heart and my desires to you, you will lead me and guide me in all righteousness. I know you have GOOD things in store for ME when I keep my eyes on you, on my own walk with you, NOT on what you are doing for someone else. God, I know you are a generous God and you are able to provide for all my desires. I know when I am seeking you, abiding in you, it is your pleasure to give me all things- the desires of my heart. I don't want to envy someone else. I want to experience your blessing in the ways that you want to bless me. When I come to you in prayer, you will answer. Thank you that you forgive my immature, selfish heart. I repent of envy. I receive your forgiveness! Help me God, to keep my eyes on my own race and how you are working in my life. I love you, Lord. I love you, Lord. In Jesus' precious name I pray. Amen.