Loni, from Writing Canvas has given us a "heavy" quote and assignment to ponder today. Honestly, I hesitated joining in.... I knew this would be one to go really "deep" and take some time to write.
Here is the quote:
“There was a time when [you fill in] defined my life and left me physically void, cocooned in a prison of fear. It stole my every hope and dream. But God’s love and His Word set my heart free. I learned that within the confines of God’s story, nothing had been stolen from me, rather everything was given to me. My life, which felt so out of control, was in reality in complete control – God’s control.”
~ Wendy BlightHidden Joy in a Dark Corner: The Transforming Power of God’s Story
Although I could fill this in with different things- living in an abusive home, being molested- the first thing that came to mind was "how I looked". For so many years, my weight defined me and who I was. I am sure it stemmed from childhood. It was then I turned to food for comfort and whenever I was upset, overwhelmed, scared, sad....I would eat. Food was my "safe" place, my escape. I would never eat in the open, but in secret. I became an overweight child and was teased.
Because of my weight, I felt like a failure...like I wasn't good enough. The worse I felt, the more I ate. By the time I hit junior high, I didn't want to be "the fat girl" so I stopped eating. I lost weight and my appearance and being thin became the most important thing to me. It was where I found my self-worth. As long as I looked good, then I was "OK."
I struggled with this for many years until God began setting me free several years ago. He first dealt with the food issues. I had made food my "idol" since childhood. I had to first recognize that, repent, and begin turning to God when I was upset. Eating would never make me feel better- not really. I may get a very temporary "good" feeling, but I would instantly feel guilty and then ashamed. Felt like a failure.
Once God had set me free from the stronghold of emotional eating, He began to work on my self-image. I stopped seeing myself through the world's eyes and began to see myself in Christ. I began learning that it wasn't "self-image", but Christ-image.
It was definitely GOD'S WORD that set me free. I began to recognize the enemy's lies:
You are ugly.
You are not good enough.
Food will make you feel better.
I learned that I had to NAME the lie, come into agreement with God by repenting and turning away from sin and turning TOWARDS faith. I had to REPLACE the lie with Truth.
I am beautiful in Christ.
"The King is enthralled by your beauty."
"Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart."
I am "precious and worthy in His sight."
Food is not going to make me feel better- only my relationship with the Lord will fill those empty places.
His love set me free from the pain and shame.....
And, like Wendy, I, too learned that my "out of control" life is in God's control.
If you also struggle with food issues or your appearance, you may be interested reading my testimony (click on testimony at the top of the page) or these posts:
Loni at Writing Canvas. She is giving away Wendy's book as well.