Adopted

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For He CHOSE US in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be ADOPTED AS HIS SONS THROUGH JESUS CHRIST...." Ephesians 1:3-4

How I love these words from the Bible. They are special to me because adoption holds a special place in my heart. I have many friends who have adopted children and it is precious to see their love for these special children. It truly is a living example of the depth of their love. Many had to travel to different parts of the world to bring their children home. I even had a friend who had to brave tribal wars in remote Africa to bring back her daughter. Many had to choose financial sacrifice to pursue adoption. There is no doubt these beautiful children are wanted and loved.

But, adoption is special to me because I am adopted. Growing up, I always felt so loved, so wanted, so special. My beautiful mother had explained that my biological mother couldn't take care of me because she was too young, but loved me so much she "gave me up" for adoption. She would tell me the story of waiting for me and coming to see me at the hospital and falling in love with me from first sight.

This morning I was praying for my biological mother (I don't know her), praying that she is saved and knows the Lord. I am so thankful to her- thankful that she did not have an abortion. I know it must have been a hard choice and that she probably suffered ridicule and hardship going through with the pregnancy. I wondered if she ever thought about me. And, I again wondered if she knew the Lord.......

A few years ago a wrote a letter to her. Of course, I don't know her and have not sent it to her, but it felt good to write it. I am including here to encourage other women who may be facing this choice to continue a pregnancy or have an abortion. I write it to encourage other women who have "given up" children to adoption. And, I write it to encourage other adopted children.



A Letter to My Mother

As a very young girl, I often romanticized being adopted. I had fairy tales of Cinderella and Anastasia in my mind. I dreamed I was a princess and someday my mother would show up and reveal my royal heritage. Then, later, I often fantasized my mother was a movie star, living a glamorous life. It wasn’t until I was in college, sitting in a mall “people watching” that another possibility occurred to me. I watched a woman, dirty, disheveled, hat over her face and greasy hair, sitting alone and talking to herself. The thought occurred to me that this woman could be my mother. Not a princess, not a movie star, but a fragile, lonely homeless woman. I think that it was then that I decided NOT to ever find my birth mother, afraid of a reality that may not be pleasant or wonderful.

But now, as a mother of four (five now!) children and as a child of God walking in faith, I have realized the need in me to face my past and come to terms with these feelings. I have not felt at peace for the past month, something gnawing at me, making me feel uneasy. As I have prayed and cried out to the Lord to help me through this depression I have been feeling, these words started flowing out of my spirit. Although I wasn’t sure what I was avoiding, I knew I was trying to resist- eating when I wasn’t hungry, sleeping more, and turning on the TV. As I have been obeying the leading of the Spirit, and the will of the Father, words to my birth mother have been spilling out of my heart. I started writing them in my journal. I still didn’t feel at peace, so I sat and formulated a letter on the computer. I know I need to finish God’s will and send this letter to you, in hopes that it will fall on eyes who need to see it and reach hearts who need to feel it.

I think of you sometimes, and wonder if you do the same. I wonder what you are like- what your life is like, what you look like, if I look like you. Now that I am a mother, I have a whole new perspective about you- a whole new adoration for you. I have always loved you, but now I love you even more.

I don’t wish to find you- I want to respect your privacy. You are probably married and have a family- children and possibly grandchildren. I wouldn’t want to cause heartache to you or your family. I have always secretly wished that you would contact me someday. I think I am also afraid of rejection (if I were to be honest with myself!). But, I have also thought that you may have the same fears that I do- not wanting to invade my privacy or disrupt my family, or bring pain into my life, and rejection…….I also would never want to hurt my dear mother. I have lived a happy life and love my mom so much. I have never considered her anything but my “real” mom. She and I are very close. I would never want her to feel like she is not “enough” for me, or that she has let me down in any way, or that I need more in a mother that she has given me. She has been my hero, a wonderful mother who provided me with a joyful life.

But, if I could talk to you, I would have so much to say! I am so glad that I have not had the opportunity to talk to you before now, because as I have grown and matured my feeling for you have changed so much! In adolescence, I felt betrayed by you, abandoned by you. Although my mom always explained you putting me up for adoption was an act of love, I think I naturally felt rejection. My feelings are so different now, as a grown woman, and as a mother myself. God is so wise. He has allowed me time, experience, and growth to figure out my feelings for you before we would ever have the chance to meet. Maybe we will never meet or talk. I trust God’s plan for us.

If I could talk to you, I would thank you. Thank you for choosing life- thank you for giving me the gift of life. Thank you for putting my life in front of yours. I know it was a sacrifice. In a world that tells us, as women, “we don’t NEED to suffer- embarrassment, stress to our bodies, the disruption to our lives, and the mental anguish of having an unwanted baby.” The world tells us, “It’s your body. It’s your choice. It was just a mistake.” I’m sure, Mother, you had people tell you to think of yourself, not to “ruin” your life. I thank you for being brave and choosing life.

I also want to thank you for choosing adoption. Again, it had to be a brave choice. I can only imagine how hard it was to let go of me, after carrying me for nine months and giving birth to me. As a mother myself, I try to imagine you in the hospital room and the love you had to have felt. As a mother, I am awed by your sacrifice. I know that you loved me so much you wanted me to have the best life possible.

If you would have kept me, I don’t’ know what our life would have been like together. But, I do know I would not be here with my family today. I am thankful for my life- my husband and children. I would not have lived the life I’ve led, not touched the lives I’ve touched, not be the person I am. Again, I am awed by our Father’s divine plan for our lives and how works everything for good. No, it is not a coincidence that I am here doing the things I am doing. It has all been part of God’s plan and purpose- put into motion when you exercised your free will and choose to bring me into this world, to give me life, to give me hope, and to give me to a family ready to love and care for me. Thank you for your love and courage. I thank you for the sacrifice you made for me, putting aside your own desires, needs, comfort, and lifestyle for the sake of your child.

As a mother, I can only imagine that you have harbored doubts, questions, worries, and uncertainty of the years. I am sure there have been times when you wondered if you made the right choice. I’m sure you’ve wondered if I am happy, if I’ve lived a happy life. I want to reassure you- you did make the right choice. I am healthy, happy, and a child of God. Like most people, I have had a life full of ups and downs. I have always felt loved and cherished. I have always felt “special” being adopted- never weird or different. I’ve always felt especially “wanted,” NEVER “unwanted.” I am so thankful you were obedient to God’s will and God’s plan for my life. I know God will honor your choice. Thank you. I love you.