I'm a Failure!!!!!!!!!

“I am afraid I will fail. I feel like a failure.”

Those words crushed me. I felt so sad when my friend said them. You see, Satan had her trapped, deceiving her. She was afraid to trust God, turn over her life to Him, and walk in obedience. She was afraid that if she did, the outcome of her situation would brand her “FAILURE.” Oh, how I hate the enemy!

But, when we walk in obedience to God, we are NEVER marked a failure. In fact, that is NEVER how God sees us, even when we make mistakes. One time, I had goofed up BIG TIME with our checkbook. I had made a mathematical error and we were overdrawn, like I said, BIG TIME! I just kept writing checks, even though there wasn’t money to cover them (I thought there was). Then, there was a bank fee for every bad check, so the whole kept getting bigger. I was so afraid to go to Brian (my husband) and tell him what I had done. (Like he wasn’t going to find out???) I was scared. I was so afraid of his reaction. And, I was afraid of what we were going to do financially. I felt so stupid. I felt like a failure. My stomach was sick. I cried and cried. But, I had to tell my husband when he returned from work that day. And, I dreaded that!!!!!!!! I spent the day in prayer asking God to help me, to be strong, to be honest…

But, when I told Brian, he wasn’t angry with me. He forgave me immediately. And, I will never forget his reaction. He put his arms around me, told me that everything was going to be OK. He said it was a setback for us, but that we would get through it, and that we just needed to “fix” it. He told me that he wasn’t mad at me and that he loved me. Whew! That was the Holy Spirit working through him! The weight of the world lifted off my shoulders! I felt such a release, such a peace. Now, the circumstances didn’t evaporate- we still had to deal with them! In fact, although Brian was so merciful, he told me we still had to deal with the problem, and that meant that I had to go into the bank, talk with a banker, and get our checkbook straightened out. Uhhhh!!!! Again, I had to deal with the temptation of feeling like a failure, an “idiot” (that was the word in my head!). But, that condemnation was NOT coming from God! Again, I went to the prayer closet, asking God to help me. God reminded me that I had been forgiven, but that I couldn’t just “forget about it.” I had to deal with my situation, walk in obedience. Well, I took a deep breath, and went into the bank. I remember that the banker was so nice. He helped me find the error and even reversed the bank fees!!!! (Mercy!) I felt so much better taking care of it. (There were several meals of hot dogs and mac and cheese, but we got “back on our feet” again in a couple of weeks!)

But, here is the thing, the enemy wants to keep us down- defeated, feeling like a failure, feeling like an idiot. Sometimes, instead of looking to God and walking in obedience, we live in fear, not trusting God that His way is perfect (even though there may be a few meals of mac and cheese, so to speak!). Obedience may not mean “painless,” but there is such joy and PEACE in obedience!

Our God loves us so much. He is NOT standing over our shoulder saying, “You’re an idiot, a failure!” He is not condemning us! (There is NO condemnation for those in Christ Jesus- Romans 8:1) But, He says, (like Brian did in my situation!) “We need to fix this.” He is not going to allow us to continue going down the wrong path! What if I would have just kept spending money that wasn’t in our account????? He loves us so much. He does not want us to be miserable!!! Jesus came so that we may have ABUNDANT life! (John 10:10) His way is so much better. He’s not going to let us continue to go down that wrong path BECAUSE He loves, because He wants His best for us. It’s not because He thinks I am a failure, but because His heart breaks when my heart breaks. He wants me to live the best life possible- His life. So…….. I need to trust Him. I need to lay aside all of my foolish excuses for not obeying. I need to surrender to His will and to His ways. (Romans 12:1- offer my body as a living sacrifice!) NOT BECAUSE GOD IS A “MEANIE” (as Aaron, 4, will sometimes say!) It is because God is rich in mercy and love, slow to anger and quick to forgive. Praise You, God! Hallelujah!!!!

Father God, I praise You! You are glorious! You are perfect! You are good. Thank You for Your mercy and love. Thank You that You have good plans for me. Thank You that You see the end from the beginning and You know all things. Even when I can’t see the way, You know. Lord, I purpose in my heart to trust You. I purpose to obey You, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. Praise You, God! Praise You! In Jesus’ Name we pray. Amen!