Heart Under Construction

Wow! Has God ever done a major construction project on your heart- ripping out all of the old, "yucky" stuff in order to replace it with more of Him? Has He had to do a major cleaning or purification process in your heart? Well, I have just gone through one! In the two weeks, God has asked me to major work in my heart.

One of my daily prayers is, "Lord, get my heart right. Search me and know me and show me what needs to change!" Like David, I cry out, "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." But, boy, oh boy, does it hurt when He gets your heart "right."

Do you ever notice, though, that until you obey completely there is an unrest in your spirit, a lack of peace? That was what I feeling..........

It began when God called me to talk to a dear friend about living in bondage to sin. She was caught up in a very destructive sin that has an impact on her future and her children's future. I did not want to "confront" her. For anyone who knows me- I can not "do" confrontation. I do not like to "debate" as some people do! I do NOT like "lively arguments." I run from confrontations and do anything to keep the peace. But, when God calls you to do something, you can't run from Him (Jonah, case in point!). So, for a couple of days, as my stomach did flip flops when I thought about the possibility of talking to her, I was miserable. (Disobedience is miserable!) But, God is so good! We had a wonderful conversation, God gave me the words to say, full of grace, love, and mercy. He had prepared her heart and she was ready to hear the words. After our conversation, I was praising God! He is glorious! She knew that I truly was an authentic friend who loved her enough to speak up and speak Truth to her.

The next week........God again spoke to my heart with a friendship. I am a stay at home mom who sometimes gets busy with the daily tasks of taking care of a husband, a home and five children that I forget to take time to nourish friendships. Sometimes friends will invite me to do things, like go to the park with the kids or visit their home, but I will decline because of my to do list. Well, God laid a friend on my heart, and I completely cleared my schedule so that I could spend some time with her. When I was with her, she confessed she was caught in a sin- a "biggie". She had an attitude that I couldn't relate because I am "a good Christian." She knew that I had SINFUL past, but didn't think for a moment that I still struggle with it. So, God led me to share my sin with her, baring my soul and confessing all the ugliness I hide! (See "Authenticity" post) It was not to glorify sin, or to laugh it off, but to let her know that I have to have Jesus in my life EVERYDAY!

And, then, a few days ago........ One of the sins I shared with my friend was that I struggled with jealousy. Again, the lack of peace, knowing that He was calling me to confess these feelings to this woman, asking for forgiveness. At first, I thought God was asking me to do something crazy! I knew I had this "problem", and had asked God to help me in this area a few months ago. I continually compared myself to her, felt inadequate to her, and jealous in some areas. The first thing God told me to do was begin praying for her. So, I prayed for her everyday, asking God to bless her- even in the areas I was jealous of her! At first, I didn't "mean" what I was praying, and only prayed out of obedience. I would say, "By faith, God, I am praying!" And, I continued to ask Him to get MY heart right. Pretty soon, I genuinely felt the things I prayed and my heart was filled with an overflowing love for her. God is good! One day I got a card in the mail FROM HER telling me that she appreciated me and what a blessing I am! I felt great about it and thought that was over. I NEVER thought God would ask me to confess it to her!!!!!!!! I knew there was no avoiding it, that I could not ignore God's leading- I had to obey. And, when I began writing to her, I was really surprised at all that poured out from my heart. I was completely honest with her (even though it was very humbling to admit that I could be so "shallow"!) I did NOT want to admit to anyone that I could have these evil feelings in my heart! But, praise God, He works all things together for good and He is sovereign! She wrote back immediately praising God! She had been having a hard time lately and just knowing that someone had been praying for her blessed her tremendously. She was touched by my honesty and forgave me and was thankful that I shared all of it with her. And, now we both feel a wonderful love for one another (as it should be in the Body of Christ!). So, as usual, God knows best!

The "under construction" process can be hard sometimes- a little uncomfortable and sometimes painful. It can be humbling. But, afterwards there is such joy and peace!

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and your weak knees. Make level paths for your feet so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."- Hebrews 12:11-12

Father God, I love You! I praise You! I thank You for Your wisdom! Thank You that You will not allow any "yucky" stuff to pollute our hearts. I am reminded that You say, "Above all else to guard our hearts because they are the wellspring of life!" Thank You that my heart is so important to You and the condition of it! Thank You that You remove those things that I might not think are very important- but You know. Lord, help me to love my brothers and sisters in Christ with a special love. Help me to be an authentic friend, honest with my shortcomings and failures, but also speaking Truth in love to my Beloved friends in Christ. Help me to recognize sin in my own heart and confess. Help me to confess to others, even when it is hard. I know I can only do these things by Your power and Your grace. In Jesus' Name we pray. Amen.