(Still) Beautiful...

I had been reading some of my original blog posts and found this gem from 2007. Love it!

Last night I wasn’t feeling well. In fact, our whole family is fighting off a “bug.” So, with homework finished early and supper done, we left the dishes in the sink and all got under some blankets to “snuggle buggle” and watch a movie. Lying there next to Ashley, my precious 8yr old, she looked up at me and said, “You are so beautiful, Mama.” She outlined my features and continued, “More beautiful than Miley (aka “Hannaha Montana”) or Mary Jane (Parker from Spiderman).” Now this surprised me, because I had not a stitch of make-up on and my hair was pulled back into a ponytail. (Not exactly “movie star” material!) I hugged her closer and giggled and we continued watching the movie.

But, as I was out walking this morning, God brought back that moment to my memory. What made me so beautiful to my little girl? It wasn’t the make-up or the hair or a gorgeous outfit. One of the verses I purpose in my heart to “live out” is 1Peter 3:3-4. It is my hearts’ cry that “my beauty should not come from outward adornment….Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a GENTLE and QUIET spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Gentle….a fruit of the spirit. How I long that I am gentle. That my talk is gentle (a gentle answer turns away wrath). Other words for gentle are calm, kind, and tender. I always want to be tender to my family. And, “quiet.” I look at quiet as resting in God, trusting Him. A quiet spirit…….a humble spirit…..

How I long to reflect these things. But, I feared that I had “exploded” with my children too many times for them to see me as gentle. I feared that I had said too many unkind words to be this gentle spirit. I have nagged too much… Complained too often… I feared that I had “exasperated” (Ephesians 6:4) my children too many times to be “beautiful” in God’s sight and their sight. I have a vision of what I so long to be……

But, through the sweet, gentle, kind words of my little girl, God reminded me that I am indeed beautiful in His sight. And, what a joy to a mother’s heart that her daughter would look past the physical beauty that the world espouses, traces the features of mama’s face, and calls her “beautiful.”

Father, may this be a gentle reminder to all of us that true beauty comes from a spirit who loves, follows, and trusts You. There is nothing more beautiful than a reflection of Your glorious Light. Help us, as women, Lord, to be secure and comfortable in who You have created us to be. Father, we praise You and love You. Glory to God in the highest! In Jesus’ Name we pray. Amen.

Wilderness Hikes

During my time in Tuscan, I had a couple of days on my own while Brian worked. There was an amazing hiking trail adjacent to our hotel and Brian and I had hiked part of it together. On my first free day, a friend from the conference and I ventured out on the trail. I had been on it once already and was able to lead us further than where I had been. On my second free day, God called me out into this wilderness trail to be alone with Him. Now, I was a little more than nervous doing this, especially since I had seen a (dead) rattlesnake the day before when I was out walking. I knew the trail was pretty challenging and a bit treacherous at times with streams to ford, rocks to climb, and plenty of wildlife to be wary of. But, if God was calling me out, I knew He would protect me.

It didn't take long for me to understand that I was going to have to face my fears. The biggest fear for me was that of the unknown. I literally trembled as I had to walk through jungles of overgrown brush or when the the trail narrowed and I had to creep closely to the canyon walls. I was petrified that something hidden would come out and hurt me.

Being alone was so much harder than with a hiking buddy. Every little noise put me on edge and I had to continue to call out to God and depend on Him. Over and over I asked Him to give me courage to continue. God continued to push me farther, to challenge myself to do more than what I thought I could. He encouraged me over and over to face my fears and keep going. When I sat down on a boulder near a stream, I soaked in His sunshine, His beauty, His peace....A beautiful butterfly was my constant companion. I continued to feel stronger and the more I pushed in, I felt more brave.

During life, God calls into the wilderness at times. He pushes us deeper...further. He asks us to face our fears and join Him near the streams for refreshment. He teaches us lessons that can only be learned in the wilderness.

During my experience, He revealed things in my heart that need to change. He drew me closer still to Him. He proved Himself a trustworthy guide.

Some lessons I learned were that shortcuts, although they may appear to be shorter can be dangerous. The trail may take longer, but it is the safe path.

I met several other hikers along the way. Most were small groups, but some were alone like me. Now, I am often a bit wary of strangers when I am alone and in an isolated place, but I found a co artery and unity with my fellow travelers. We were all facing these same struggles....the same streams to ford, boulders to climb, narrow trails to navigate. We ask one another what the trail was like ahead and how far we had gotten. We had the same struggles, but also the same desire and goal to reach the maiden pools. In life, we need a community of others to encourage each other.

Going up the trail can be physically demanding, climbing up rocks and canyons. But, coming down isn't always "easier". The momentum can bring you down too quickly. I had to use muscles and energy to slow myself at times. Jumping down can be more perilous than hoisting myself up.

I am thankful for my wilderness time. I felt so accomplished and victorious when I finished! God showed me that I am much more brave than I had imagined. He helped me face my fears. My favorite time is still sitting near the quiet stream, soaking Him in and allowing Him to fill me with His Presence.  I encourage you to take some time alone with Him in the wilderness.

Thank you Lord for your love. Thank you Lord that you encourage us to spend time with you alone in the wilderness and that you challenge us to face our fears. Thank you for providing community to encourage us. Thank you for quiet rests. I love You Lord. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

Thirsty

“O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”

-Psalm 63:1

Have you ever been thirsty, really thirsty? So thirsty that your tongue was sticking to the roof of your mouth? So parched and dry that your throat was sore?
I believe we are thirsty in today’s world. We are thirsting for God and His Word. We are longing for Him, as Psalm 63 cries. God has placed this desire in our hearts and our souls to know Him, to search for Him, to worship Him. There is a deep yearning inside of us to grow closer to our Creator. You may be feeling this desire, this longing, this thirst right now, but you are not sure why you feel it. You only know that something is missing. You have a longing, a need that has not yet been met. You begin to search for the cause of your thirst.
Unfortunately, in today’s “me-centered,” impatient society, we try to fill that thirst, that longing with a “quick fix”- a chocolate brownie, a shopping spree, a margarita, TV, our endless activities, or a gossip session with a friend on the phone. We think these worldly pursuits will fill us up, make us feel better, and quench the thirst we are experiencing. These invitations look so appealing. The world claims we will experience fulfillment and satisfaction.
And, we want instant gratification! We don’t want to wait for God to fill us. We want to control our lives, to take care of ourselves, to pamper ourselves. We look to the world’s methods of making us feel better. We don’t like the uncomfortable feeling of thirst. We don’t want our spirits to feel pain, discomfort, longing or loneliness. So, we become deceived into looking for the “water” of the world to quench our thirst.

But, Jesus offers us such a better way! While talking to the Samaritan woman at the well, (John 4) Jesus talks about “living water.” He points out the “world’s” water- the water of the well, and says, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again.”
Isn’t that true with our “water”? Food, possessions, praise from man, turning to exercise or watching TV never satisfies us. We continually want more and more. Our desire becomes insatiable, sometimes consuming us. The more we have, the more we want!
Jesus tells the woman at the well, “But, whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:14) Doesn’t that water sound so much more refreshing? Not only will our initial thirst be quenched, but we will have a SPRING bubbling, flowing within us! Not a glass of water, a drop of water, but a source of water. You will never, never be thirsty again! Jesus says in John 7:37-38, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.” Remember, your soul is thirsting for the Lord! When you fill it with Him, you will be satisfied. Come, drink of this water and be refreshed.

Father God, thank you for loving us so much! Thank you for creating this longing in our souls to know You. Please help us Father to seek you earnestly and to look to you to fill our heart’s longings. Father, please help us to ignore the invitations of the world. Help us to instead drink in Your living water. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

How are your flowers looking?

Water...it is so important for LIFE. 

I was looking at my flowers on the deck and they look "wilty", scraggly, NOT healthy and vibrant! Usually, my deck pots are overflowing abundantly with luscious, beautiful flowers.  But, this has been a summer of hurry and busy, and the flowers have suffered.  I usually tend my flowers, but have assigned the task to the kids this summer.  Pondering, I realize that there are object lesson for my faith life as well.

I need the Living Water in my life on a daily, regular, overflowing basis or I will become wilty, scraggly, or even DIE, depending on how dry I have become.  I need Jesus so that I truly live and live abundantly and beautifully.

I can't depend on others for my spiritual water.  I can't depend on  Facebook posts.  I can't depend on YouTube videos or Sunday morning sermons.  I can't depend on the latest book.  I need to spend quiet alone time with the Lord and the Word and depend on Jesus as my Living Water.  Only He can fill me completely.  While those other things are beneficial, they should never be my SOURCE of refreshment. Only personal, intimate time with Jesus will refresh, nourish, and keep me beautiful and fruitful.

I also need a steady watering, not haphazardly drinking some here and there.  My neighbors' flowers are gorgeous because they have been steadily and consistently watered. I need a continual input of the Living Water.  I can't take sips here and there, but I need to drink deeply and constantly of Jesus.  I need Him to refresh and fill and make me beautiful.  He can only do this when I spend time with Him- not hurried, take-a-minute-here, once in awhile time- but quality, abundant, QUIET time...sitting at His feet, soaking Him in. Like my flowers, it is then that I will be healthy and bloom abundantly!

"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."  John 7:38

Lord, water me.  Fill every fiber of my being with YOU.  I know only You are life-giving water.

Rollercoasters, Australia, and Les Mis

Wow, was last week a rollercoaster of emotions!  From the passing of Jenny Groothius, the storms and flooding to Andrew leaving, not hearing from him for two days, then finally getting to SEE him thanks to Facetime, I was EXHAUSTED!

God was amazing through it all.  I have to share what a sweet, wonderful Lord we have.  Andrew left on Friday, July 4th.  We were able to talk to him as he made his way to LA and waited for his connection to Sydney.  He flew out at 11 PM.  We expected him to text or call when he arrived, using open WiFi.  The flight was 15 hours, so we knew it wouldn't be until sometime Saturday afternoon. When we didn't hear from him right away, we figured he had to get through customs and get to his transportation pick up point, but he would let us know soon that he arrived safely.  I thought we would hear from him by dinner time.

Brian and I had tickets to Les Mis Saturday night, and I thought it would be a good distraction.  Our son Aaron is Gravoche and we have several tickets to see him. When we hadn't heard from Andrew by intermission, I was beginning to worry.  My imagination began cooking up all sorts of sorted possibilities and by the time the show was over, I could not wait to get home and check email for news.  Andrew has an app to use for free international texting and calling, but he has to have Internet to use it.  The app tells you the last time he has been online, and he wasn't online since LA.  We tried calling him, the YWAM base, and the transportation company, but because it was Sunday there, we could not reach anyone!  We sent the base, his contact person, and the transportation company several emails asking them to reach us. Shortly after 1:30 A.M., Brian made me go to bed because there was nothing more we could do.  Brian reminded me that Andrew is in God's hands and he was safe. So.....we went to bed, sure we would hear something in the morning.

Well, up at 7 AM and still NOTHING.  I had rushed to my computer, sure that there was an email waiting to be opened that confirmed Andrew had arrived. When there was no news, we tried making contact again, but by then it was the middle of the night in Newcastle, and we just had to WAIT.

When we went to church, I desperately was praying. Here is Tracy, the "great woman of faith", being forced to WALK the TALK.  I am the one forever encouraging others to trust God and His plan, knowing that He is sovereign over everything. In knew in my HEAD that Andrew is in God's protection, that God called him to be there, that God was in control.....but the sick feeling in the pit in my stomach gave me away. I had been gripped with fear.

 During worship, praising God, singing the words, "I have been set free...it is for freedom that I have been set free...." I released the worry... the questioning... ANDREW... to the Lord.  God loves Andrew even more than I do.  And, IF the worst of all my imaginary circumstances actually came to pass, then God was weaving them into His plan and purpose for something greater.  I heard in my head the same words I had spoken to Brian on our Grand Canyon road trip.  We had been stranded in the Colorado Rockies during a blizzard.  The hotel where we were was full, the roads were closed and we had nowhere to go.  As Brian worried that night going to bed, we prayed, and I reassured him that God wasn't going to bring us all the way out west on this awesome trip to leave us stranded in Colorado. In the morning, a room had opened up.  In church, while singing,  I heard those same words, "God is not going to bring Andrew all the way to Australia and leave him stranded somewhere."

I immediately felt peace!

And, this is where God's  TENDERNESS completely blows me away.

Take 2 on Les Mis.

The night before I had NOT enjoyed the show one bit....I was worried about Andrew.  I just wanted to be home.

Sunday's matinee was completely different.  I felt peace about Andrew.  Grandma and Grandpa were there to see the show.  We had AMAZING tickets center and just a few rows back.  But, as we were being seated, we realized we were one seat short.  I had somehow only ordered 6 instead of 7! The usher graciously told us Abby could sit on my lap or I thought I could watch down in the green room.  But, to our amazement, the lady behind us told us she had an EXTRA SEAT!  Someone in her party could not make it at the last minute and the seat directly behind us was available!  Isn't God so awesome????

The show was amazing!  Every song perfect...Aaron did his BEST performance yet.

Then, at intermission, I received a message that Andrew had gotten to YWAM base safely and he would contact us soon.  We went in to enjoy the rest of the show. During the story, Jean Valjean 
sings an amazing song, "Bring Him Home."  This song will bring tears to your eyes, but as Valjean prayed that God would bring this young son home safely, I bawled my eyes out.  This was my prayer and Jared Rogers had me completely weeping as he sung the exact words I was feeling.

As we were walking into the lobby, my phone began vibrating, and as I looked at the front, I saw Andrew's smile.  He was calling from Australia!  The auditorium was clear and I was able to talk to my sweet boy. He had not had Internet access until then since he had arrived on a Sunday. We were able to laugh and cry and it felt GLORIOUS!  How good God is!