Sometimes we don't know we even need it....or just how badly we do.
For those of you who walk with me may have known this has been a year of spiritual dryness....
Dry devotions time.
Dry prayer life.
Dry small group time.
In fact, when I had to write a devotion for the Cafe, Laced with Grace, or At the Well(forget my own blog!), I would sit feeling completely empty....like I had nothing to "give." I often pulled from my archives just to post something.....anything. I had even taken a break from the Cafe and the Well.
I was dry.
Then we went to Family Camp last week.
This was a LIFE CHANGING experience for the whole family.....
But, for me- I have been completely RESTORED.
God healed my heart....I was able to honestly share and "deal with" things I have pushed down- with God, Brian, and ME...my fears.....my year with homeschooling.....the pressure I have felt this year trying to DO IT ALL and be everything.....Brian's dad passing away....strife at our ELCA church....friends divorcing....taking care of parents...
We arrived Sunday evening and went to worship right after dinner. From the first song, the tears flowed down and I released all that had been pent up for so long.
I worshiped the Lord.
I let go.
He began His restoration in me.
The next morning Pastor Mike taught on Mary and Martha. OK, for any of you who have been following me for any amount of time, you know I have TAUGHT on this passage! See here and here.
Their story is precious to me. And, to have God remind me of all He had taught me about Mary and Martha the very first morning pierced my heart immediately! OK, I sat and cried through that lesson. I know He was whispering, "OK, Tracy....let's hear it again."
I realized for the past year I had become Martha.
I had lost Mary.....who I REALLY am.....the disciple at His feet soaking up His Presence....hanging on every word....face upturned to RECEIVE Him....
We then went to break time. Brian and I took a walk back to our cabin where I was able to spill out all that has been on my heart. Through tears, I shared my feelings of inadequacy, failure, distraction..... I rested in his strong arms.
We went back for more teaching. Pastor Mike began to teach about the woman from John 8.
OK, again, if you know me, you know this story is also PRECIOUS to me. See here and here. God brought a whole women's retreat, "Walking in the Light" with this teaching! For goodness' sake, I even used the same clip from the Passion!
But, I had forgotten.
Again, God spoke to me, reminding me I had forgotten the things from "at first" (Rev. 2:1-7). I had forgotten my first love.
Witnessing a group of young people honestly bare their souls with "cardboard testimonies."
Watching my husband walk in his calling as spiritual leader of our home....for the first time.
Taking communion as a family.
Watching my teenage son experience Jesus and be WASHED in the Holy Spirit.
Worshiping the Lord, fully, passionately, completely, openly, honestly...
I am so full.
Thank You, Jesus.