Some Christmas This Turned Out To Be!

Have you ever seen the movie, 

"Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas"? One of the short stories in the movie has Donald Duck's three nephews reliving Christmas day over and over. Until they learn the "true" meaning of Christmas, they reek havoc on Christmas morning. They hurt the family's feelings, ruin Christmas dinner, even cause the tree to fall, breaking all of the ornaments. In sad disbelief of the total disaster all around, the aunt cries out, "Some Christmas this turned out to be."

We expect Christmas to be "perfect." The decorations. The lights. The presents. The food. We expect it to be a Norman Rockwell painting.

Or....a Thomas Kinkade Christmas card...

One year our Christmas was much more "Some Christmas this turned out to be" than Norman Rockwell or Thomas Kinkade.

We had gotten weather that prevented us from spending very much time with my family. What was supposed to be a whole weekend celebration of visiting turned out to be a few rushed hours spent with only part of the family making it due to weather. Hours spent planning and searching for "perfect presents" and anticipation to see their faces when they opened them were traded for the disappointment of leaving the gifts with relatives to be picked up at another time.

Brian had not been feeling well since Thanksgiving. So, with Daddy sick off and on, many of our usual traditions were not done this year.

My sweet friend Jamie had passed away right before Christmas. Attending her wake and funeral made some holiday activities just seem irrelevant.

Illness struck our house. Many of the usual traditions were skipped because someone was sick. Even Christmas morning present opening had to be postponed due to the flu.

That year, as I spent Christmas Day wallowing, praying, being angry with God, rebuking the sickness, asking for Jesus' healing....I thought about the true meaning of Christmas and what 

THE "perfect Christmas" was like.... 

 the perfect Christmas didn't have a tree, or decorations, or a fancy meal....the perfect Christmas didn't have Christmas cards.....the perfect Christmas didn't have fancy wrapped packages....the perfect Christmas had a humble baby in a manger that came to love and live and die for us. The perfect Christmas was when Jesus was born and His promise to all of us.

The "perfect" Christmas isn't about presents, but about His Presence.

That year, in bed, Christmas Day, I thought about all these things....praying and pondering.

No matter what our circumstances. No matter what the weather. No matter if we get to "do" all of our favorite traditions. No matter if our Christmas list is filled or not...

Even if we "lose" a precious loved one.

These "things" don't "make" Christmas.

Jesus makes Christmas.

His gift to us makes Christmas.

His love makes Christmas.

The "perfect" Christmas was when a sweet young girl surrendered to her Lord and when her husband obeyed Him. They traveled to Bethlehem. There was no room in the inn for them to stay so they found a stable on the outskirts of town. Sometime during the night, a precious baby was born. A Savior. Immanuel. Messiah. A soft, warm, crying baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and placed in a manger. Angels glorified Him. Shepherds worshipped Him.

What a Christmas this turned out be! Hallelujah

Well.... I have to start SOMEWHERE.

My 1st run in a long while. Beginning, I felt out of shape (which I am!), tired, and lethargic.

It was HARD. I had to PUSH myself.

I was really mad at myself. How had I gotten here??? It seems like the last 5 years have been a constant yo-yoing of up and down battles with fitness. I felt (feel) like I had lost the victory of where I was...of where I USED to be.

I have had a lot of "excuses "- My mom having breast cancer. My (step)dad having bladder cancer and having his bladder removed. Helping my mom and dad through that year of depression and lack of fight, his depression and her stress and my many trips back and forth. Dealing with an injury and pain.  Celebrating Andrew's wedding and the fact that Grandpa could be there. My mom's cancer coming back. The ugly 2 and half months of her suffering. Losing my mom. My feelings of inadequacy taking on the role of being his POA. It's been a rollercoaster 5 years.

I could blame all these things for where I stand in my weight, my attitude, and my backsliding.

But, the TRUTH is that I allowed a bitter root to take hold in my heart.

I was mad at God and it was easier to turn to food, alcohol, Netflix, even exercise, for comfort INSTEAD of the only One who brings true comfort.

I battled turning to Him...to surrendering my heart to Him. I fought it.

So much so that I took an 8 month hiatus from my Bible Study. A study I started and led for the  last 16+ years. (Thankfully, they have been doing just fine without me because it was never truly "mine", but God's!)

I didn't cut God off... I listened to worship music, prayed constantly, went to church (off & on, but let's be honest, I was avoiding Sunday morning worship as much as Monday night study)...

But I wasn't allowing him full access to my pain (where only TRUE healing can begin) and I was not surrendering my heart to Him.

So...as I worked through all of this on my run today...Day #1 of training for a 5k...getting through even though it was excruciatingly hard....God reminded me:

 Tracy, don't focus on where you USED to be....focus on what is ahead!

"So, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Philippians 3:14 NLT